Erectile Dysfunction

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You work out, you watch what you eat, you have regular microdermabrasion.

You deserve a husband who can spin your dreidel.” That night, while watching Big Love, hbo’s much-ballyhooed series about a polygamist who has three wives and seven children, Rachel has an epiphany.

She doesn’t need a divorce.

She just needs more husbands.

Rachel springs into action.

“Sam, I love you,” she says to his heaving blanket mound.

” But you have sleep apnea, you come to bed with a breathing mask, and you spend half your life in the can.

It’s time for us to bring a second husband into the family.” “Hmmfff,” says Sam.

Rachel is encouraged.

The next morning, easygoing Sam green-lights a brother-husband, Luke, and they all move into a more spacious loft.

Then Rachel has a stroke of genius: since men are challenged in the multi-tasking department, she’ll have to acquire a different husband for every need—stick man, handyman, soulmate, design consultant, personal chef, concierge, doormat.

Rachel reasons that, for a woman, the payoff will be roughly equivalent to going to heaven and having unlimited sex with seventy-two virgins.

Although God speaks to Rachel, she is a thoroughly modern matriarch.

Unlike other polyandrists who abuse their husbands by forcing them to watch the Women’s Network, she treats her husbands well and wants them all to feel valued in their roles.

Sh...

The textbook even has sex positions, and if anyone asks, it's assigned reading!

When parents view report cards, however, they may worry that you received an A in human sex.

Excuse to skip class: hangover So you had a good night with some friends.

Clearly, your 8 a.m.

lecture got in the way of living college life to the fullest.

Professors don't want students with nasty colds or stomach bugs in class, so they definitely don't want sluggish students who are about to spew last night's party all over the lecture hall.

Place to pretend you're doing work: in class The ultimate ploy: if you're in class, people must assume you're being productive.

The disguise of doing work behind a desk makes professors happy their students are in attendance, and even notebook doodles can pass for vigorous notes on the Civil War.

The only challenge is deciphering which professors call on those who make or avoid eye contact.

Computer cluster: Kimmel Computer labs don't allow food or drinks, yet Kimmel is in the heart of food and drinks!

Students don't have to venture to the vending machines or the Mount's Junction; they merely have to walk two steps to get a junior Whopper or a scoop of Haagen Dazs ice cream.

Study spot: Bird Library Though usually packed, Bird Library has five floors of nooks and crannies to find study space.

The wireless access, vending machines and ampl...